three is the magic number

Taane turned 3 last thursday. We celebrated by tagging a party on to Babysteps, which was a great way to get all our friends to come!

It was a car party, so he had a car cake... Andy and I made this together... Taane's favourite colour is red, so we tried to make it using natural colourings, using raspberries and blackberries, but it never made it past barbie pink, so we added a little bit of food colouring to get it out of the barbie zone and more of a foufa from Yo gabba gabba colour.

This wooden cake was also popular with regular babysteppers Toby and Rafaella

Ruby made sure Benny had some cake

Other party snacks included a fruit platter, popcorn, chippies, hummus and crackers and pink drinks. We also did cocktail samosas and veggie spring rolls in the oven.

Thanks to all who bought presents, you shouldn't have, but thanks!

Plenty of fabulous books, some bits for the train set and an amazing vintage log cabin to construct, tickets to babypops (thanks Katie, awesome), a medical kit, and some tech decks which now go to bed with him every night.

It was wonderful seeing all our friends

and family, below participating in a carboard bus!

When we got hom that afternoon, there was a present from the Tamehanas which included these crazy balloons, too much fun!

Healing

Thanks for all the messages, I just wanted you to know that I am healing. It's a slow process, but I'm getting there. Andy stayed home with me all last week, and busy days on Thursday and Friday really helped. But Saturday came and sadness returned, which is good. I denied myself sadness with baby #2, and I paid for it later.

Anyway, something about medications, this may help someone. We had some codeine left over from Andy's bout of campylobactor a few weeks ago (yes, another health disaster). So I started to take that, which helped with the cramping and helped me relax and sleep for the first few nights, but codeine constipates, so that doesn't help anything in the lower half, creating tension in an area which needed to relax more than ever. So I started plain panadol for a few days, and am off that altogether now.

For grief, I decided to get some St johns wort, but the naturopath at Common Sense Organics said that it takes weeks to work, and recommended Weleda's Relaxing Drops, and some st johns wort tea in combination. I have been sleeping well and am not feeling stressed or anxious. The bonus with the Relaxing Drops is that I can use them on Taane if he is stressed or wired and having trouble sleeping.

Will post up some pics from Taane's birthday when I find the camera.

In the meantime, here are Ruby and Taane in their Fantastic Mr Fox bandit hats.

unfair

I'm writing this post to help me heal, and just in case you know someone else who has, or is experiencing the same thing, I don't know, maybe this could help?

Yesterday I had my third miscarriage. I was 7 weeks pregnant and very excited, I had already told a few people and even though I had had two miscarriages before my beautiful son was born, I was completely optimistic about it.

I had started looking for preggy clothes, Andy and I had started to discuss names, and I had already had one visit to my midwife. I was pretty invested. How can you not be. But a few days ago, I started to feel scared, I think the hormone levels must have started dropping then, because there was no other signs that things were not ok, it still amazes me what happens when I really listen to myself.

I used to think it would be ok, not as bad if you already had a child, but it's not, it's equally painful. You look at your child and give thanks that you have them, but you mourn the idea that they were once as small as the baby being expelled, right now.

I don't know how this can help anyone, I'm not sure it's even helping me. I don't write this to gain sympathy, I can't even bear talking to friends or family now, maybe that's why I write here.

Miscarriage is such a taboo subject, but really, so common, according to Miscarriage Support miscarriage affects one in four women. That's huge, right? So I need to talk about it, I need to share, because being quiet doesn't help anyone.

It's Taane's 3rd birthday this week, so I'm having a rest for a few days, then I'm going to try to make a car cake (eek). It's good to have a party for him to look forward to, he is a celebration everyday. The fizzing that drives me crazy, the noises, the constant chatter, they make me realise he is alive and well, and I'm so grateful right now. I'm happy to have one amazing child, I know not everyone is so lucky.

still smiling

The sun has been shining this week, which is great, energising us.

Things have been a bit crazy around here lately. Don't know why, but 2011 had been the year of the health drama so far, lets hope that changes now. I am determined to get our health back on track. Unfortunatley, both Taane and I have been prescribed anti-biotics as a last resort, and these have their own flow on effects, so we are dosing ourselves with loads of vit c and acidophilus, maintaining our lovely fresh diet, including wonderful eggs from the chooks.

In other news I have been taking early morning dog walks around the hood before Andy goes to work, and I'm feeling great, it's a great way to start the day and boost energy. Plus we have a new car, which I'm loving. Everyone else I saw driving the same model as our old car was a 16 year old boy, shame. I'm loving driving an inconspicuous mama car. Here's a pic of Taane taking a photo of me...